Originally Posted by gears
(Haha I love Burns... I think?)
Since everyone was too scared to try. Here's a more "Anglicised" version.
"To a Louse" (IIRC, Burns's thoughts as he saw an insect crawling up the back of a heavily dressed woman in front of him during Sunday service in church.)
Hey! Where are you going, you crawling novelty?
Your impudence protects you surely,
I cannot say but you strut rarely
Over gauze and lace,
Though faith! I fear you dine but sparely
in such a place.
You ugly, creeping, blasted wonder,
Detested, shunned by saint and sinner,
How dare you set your foot upon her --
So fine a lady!
Go somewhere else and seek your dinner
On some poor body.
Fly! in some beggar's head, you nestle:
There you may creep, and sprawl, and scramble
With other kindred, jumping cattle,
In shoals and nations;
Where horn nor bane never dare unsettle
Your thick plantations.
Now hold you there! you're out of sight,
Below the ribbon tails, snug an' tight;
No, have faith yet! you'll not be right,
Till you've got on it ---
The very topmost, towering height
Of miss's bonnet.
My sooth! right bald you set your nose out
As plump and grey as any gooseberry:
Oh, for some rank, mercurial resin,
Or perhaps, red medicine,
I'd give you such a hearty dose of it,
Would dress your buttocks!
I wouldn't have been surprised to spy
You on an old woman's flannel cap:
Or perhaps some little dirty boy,
On his vest;
But Miss's fine bonnet! Oi!
How dare you do it.
Oh Jenny, don't toss your head,
And set your beauty all a mess!
You little know what cursed speed
The ugly creature's making!
The winks and finger-ends, I dread,
Are notice taking!
Oh what some Power be gifted to us,
To see ourselves as others see us!
It would from many a blunder free us,
And foolish notion:
What airs in dress and gait would leave us,
And even devotion!